


Hitting Rock Bottom

by SomeSleepySloth



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, M/M, this is just straight up crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29959479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth
Summary: The Fic wherein Alec encounters a rather...odd demon.Did I write this fic just so I could make puns? Of quartz I did.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 22
Kudos: 37
Collections: Shadowhunters Fic Crawl 2021





	Hitting Rock Bottom

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the amazing [AceOnIce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce) and [Myu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myulalie/pseuds/Myulalie)
> 
> I am just glad that my lame puns have not _eroded_ our friendship. You guys _rock_

“Wow, you are _rock hard_ indeed,” Jace wolf-whistles as he glances in Alec’s direction, waggling his eyebrows. His brother is probably going for an appreciative look, but Alec thinks he’s missed _appreciative_ by a mile and landed squarely in _obnoxious_ territory. 

For the umpteenth time this week, Alec can’t help but wonder what he had done to be saddled with his Parabatai. Or Para _brat_ ai. Because he is being a fucking annoying brat right now. 

“Now, now, Alec did save us from Medusa,” Izzy calls out from across the meeting table, not looking up from where she is wiping demon ichor off her whip. And Alec thanks the Angels above that he has been blessed with at least one nice sibling.

“You should be _gneiss_ -er to him,” she continues in an even tone. 

She maintains her stern demeanour for five seconds, keeping her head studiously bent, before she cracks and laughs.

And nope, Alec is refunding them both. There should be a refund policy for annoying siblings. Failing which, he should look into assigning them the red-eye shifts. It’s what they deserve for being this annoying. 

He instinctively reaches out with his right hand for a pen to make a note of it in his notebook, before he grinds to a halt. Because his right hand is out of commission. For the next three hours. All thanks to Medusa. Well, not really Medusa, but rather the demon with Medusa-like powers.

His misery had started five weeks ago. 

~~

There had been a recent uptick in demon activity in lower Manhattan; a few Shadowhunters had returned from their patrols with rather odd reports. Where demons would leave corpses behind, _this_ demon left their corpses in a peculiar state. They were, for a lack of a better word, _stoned_. Because they were quite literally turned into stone statues. These statues littered the alleyways of lower Manhattan, along with a few unfortunate stray cats. 

It had taken some tinkering on the side of the warlocks before they fine-tuned their potion, thereby allowing the statues to be unpetrified. It was quite the unpleasant process, involving covering the affected areas with a foul-smelling potion, and waiting for it to soften and melt away, revealing skin. Or fur.

Three weeks of plotting the discovery sites had allowed the Shadowhunters to narrow down the demon’s lair to the vicinity of four blocks, a stone’s throw away from the Institute. However, they were stumped as to how these statues came about, because demons didn’t just turn people into statues, as far as they knew. Oddly enough, it was Simon that set them on the right path.

The Shadowhunters had been in the Institute, fervently poring over maps and books, digging up any potentially useful information. Simon had strolled in, his perky self rubbing everyone the wrong way because nearly everyone in the Institute had been functioning on less than adequate amounts of sleep. Alec himself hadn’t managed to get more than five hours of sleep and he was starting to feel the effects of overusing his Stamina Rune. 

Simon glanced around the room curiously, and Izzy answered his unasked question. “Clary’s out on patrol.” Nodding in understanding, the vampire threw himself into an open chair to look up at the screens, displaying the spots where the statues had been found. 

“Is there really a demon that can turn people into statues?” Simon piped up suddenly, having completed his study of the map.

Jace grunted in agreement, from where he was now falling asleep with his face smushed into a report. 

“That sounds like a myth —”

“A myth!” Izzy burst out from the opposite end of the table. In a seemingly synchronised motion, all heads swiveled towards her.

“Fuck, I can’t believe I missed this.” Izzy crossed the room to pick up an old tome from the stack of reference books on the table. She appeared to be highly familiar with the contents of it, flipping it open to her desired page on the first try and laying it flat on the table. 

“Medusa.” Izzy read aloud. “According to the mythology, Medusa is a gorgon, and those who gaze into her eyes will be turned into stone. Which does explain the statues that we have discovered.”

“Yes,” Alec said, “that is congruent with our existing findings. But how do we locate this demon? We know that they have been attacking in what appears to be a random order. The victims do not seem to have anything in common. Even if this Medusa is what we are looking for, we have no idea how to find them.”

“Pipes.” Simon spoke up, startling everyone else in the room. Including himself, judging by the alarmed expression on his face. “Sorry, I uh, I meant, could they be travelling by pipes?”

“Pipes,” Alec repeated, part dubious, part confused. Because what did a demon have to do with pipes?

“Yes, pipes,” Simon continued, “it’s just, the whole turning people into stone statues thing, reminded me of Harry Potter—”

“Wait, wait,” Alec interrupted before Simon could go into one of his spiels about odd Mundane references that the Shadowhunters didn’t understand, _again_ , “what does this have to do with Medusa?”

“Uh, in the books, there’s a Basilisk, and its powers sound similar to Medusa’s—”

“A Basilisk? Really?” Raj interrupted, voice dripping with scorn, “I don’t see how a creature in a _Mundane_ _book_ could possibly relate to our situation here. Stop wasting our time.”

Jace rose from where he had been dozing into his report, all but ready to leap to Simon’s defence, when Alec stopped him with a calming hand to his shoulder. “It’s not worth it, Jace, let it go,” he soothed as he pushed his Parabatai back into his seat.

“Raj, shut up,” Alec barked, before he softened his voice as he turned to the vampire, “Simon, continue.”

“Oh. Like I said earlier,” Simon started as he fidgeted with his glasses, slightly uncomfortable with the attention of all present Shadowhunters focused upon him. “The Basilisk, it—” He faltered and quailed under the scrutiny of everyone.

But an encouraging nudge from Jace prompted him to continue. “Well, the Basilisk in the books, a glance from it can cause instant death. But if you look at it through a reflection, you get petrified. Like those stone statues you guys have. Which is what got me thinking about the pipes. Because that’s how the Basilisk travels around the castle it lives in. By pipes.”

Another outburst from Izzy called attention towards her once again. It was starting to look like a tennis match, the heads swivelling back and forth between the speakers. “Pipes! Simon, that is absolutely brilliant!”

Rising from the table, she headed towards the holographic map display. “Here, look, each dot represents where a body has been found. The larger the dot, the more statues have been found there.” She tapped the map to switch the display to a flat view, and gestured towards the three biggest red dots. “Building on what Simon said, with the pipes, we can see that these three dots can be interpreted to form the three points of a triangle. With the centre being, a water sewage plant.”

“Yes,” Alec nodded his head slowly, “this does seem logical. So, what you’re saying is that this Medusa-like demon is traveling throughout the city by the pipes of the water sewage systems?”

“Based on the evidence we have so far? Yeah, this might just be the answer,” Izzy replied.

Alec could see the gears beginning to click in his Shadowhunters’ heads as hands started reaching out to grab the reports scattered around the table, skimming through to identify any connections to sewage pipes. The chatter in the room was reaching a feverish level, as people were gradually buying into this theory and debating how best to deal with this demon.

As the noise rose to a crescendo, Alec had had enough.

“Silence,” he ordered, the authority clear in his tone, his stern expression brooking no argument. The noises subsided as chastised Shadowhunters quietened down. “Okay, this appears to be the best lead we have so far. It is late now, so we are going to call it a night. We will return to this tomorrow. Those on patrol, watch out for what Izzy mentioned, and report back with your findings. Dismissed.”

As the weary Shadowhunters trudged out of the meeting room, Alec picked up his phone, and dropped a text to his boyfriend, a text which contained only two words, _“I’m done.”_

Barely a minute after he had sent the message, a portal had opened up in the middle of the meeting room. “Goodnight guys,” Alec said, getting sleepy “g’night”s from his siblings in return, as he stepped through the portal. Perks of dating a warlock indeed, he mused.

He found himself in the bedroom upon exiting the portal, his boyfriend cocooned under a mound of blankets, due to the chilly spring weather, bleary eyes peering up at Alec as he emerged from the portal. Quickly shedding his gear, Alec collapsed into bed, landing with a soft thump. An arm darted out to pull Alec into a nice firm chest. 

“Sleep now, Alexander,” the half-asleep warlock slurred.

“G’night, l’uv you,” Alec replied, eyelids already drifting shut. 

“Love you too,” Magnus replied. 

But Alec didn’t hear him; he was already fast asleep by then.

~~

They were largely in uncharted territory, what with Medusa being an hitherto unidentified demon. 

Much was unknown about it, aside from its ability to turn people into stone. 

Thus, they decided on an ambush attack at night. They would split up into groups and enter through the various entrances around the city, sneaking up on the demon. Alec had paired himself with Jace, while Clary would be going along with Izzy. Much of their preparation was focused on avoiding the demon’s line of sight. 

Armed with his trusted bow, along with his stele, Alec had headed down to his assigned spot with Jace. Simon has been allowed to tag along as well, on the argument that his superspeed could prove useful as a distraction in weaving in and out of the demon’s view. It was a decision that Alec promptly regretted five minutes in. 

“Hey, you know, since we have never seen this demon before, perhaps we ought to be _boulder_ in our approach,” he remarked while trotting obediently behind Alec, sandwiched between him and Jace.

Alec groaned in dismay. “Why did we have to bring him along again?” he asked aloud, wondering why he had consented to having Simon on his patrol team.

“Play nice, Alec,” Jace retorted.

“Yeah! I thought we were getting on _marble_ -lously!” Simon chimed in. And when the sound of Jace’s sniggers reach his ears, Alec doesn’t need to look back to know the vampire had that stupid awestruck smile on his face. As was his wont whenever he successfully made Jace laugh.

If Alec rolled his eyes any more, he was certain they would get permanently stuck in that position. Sighing, he walked deeper into the tunnels, keeping his eyes peeled for any movement. They had barely moved a metre, when they heard a thud. Then another.

A thud that sounded an awful lot like heavy footsteps. He reached behind for an arrow, nocking it on his bow as they silently rounded the corner. They split up as they inched forward, opting for a multi-pronged attack.

“NOW!” Alec called out as he fired his runed arrow at the demon, hand already grabbing a second arrow, while Jace charged forward with his Seraph Blade. Simon had scaled the walls and begun aiming his knives at the demon. The blows rained down harshly on the demon, an unrelenting torrent of attacks as the Shadowhunters and Simon delivered hit after hit, trying their best whilst handicapped by their need to steer clear of the “Medusa’s” line of vision; they lumbered around, groaning in agony. 

A darting swipe at its back turned out to be the fatal blow, the demon tumbling forward so quickly, Alec didn’t have time to duck out of its way in time. And as it lurched forward in his direction, Alec had a premonition of impending doom. He was indeed proven right when he felt his right hand starting to itch barely a second later.

He glanced down. “Ah. Fuck.” While he had been lucky enough to avoid the fate of turning into a stone statue, largely by virtue of the dying demon’s weakened state, it appeared that his hand had not been spared.

He flexed his hand experimentally, but it refused to budge, remaining still in its stone cast. Where there was once human flesh, it was now covered in grey stone, the rough texture slightly unsettling and the additional bulk weighing Alec’s right side down slightly, throwing off his centre of gravity.

“Alec, you alright?” Jace kicked the fallen demon aside as he crossed over to his Parabatai’s side. 

“Yeah, just, well, I guess I should be lucky I didn’t get my bow welded to my hand,” he shrugged. At least they had gotten the demon sorted out. And he had avoided the potentially nasty fate of returning to Magnus in the form of a statue. 

His warlock boyfriend had often joked about erecting statues of them in their loft, because they quote unquote, looked better than those pretentious Greek and Roman figures. But Alec is certain Magnus would not be pleased if the statue was Alec himself.

“That’d be quite a _schist-_ y situ-” Simon’s sentence was interrupted by a well-timed elbow to his gut from Jace. And if that didn’t shut him up, the dirty look Alec threw him completed the job.

Hefting his bow, Alec stalked out of the tunnels, his Parabatai and Simon following behind him. 

~~

The first thing Alec had done when he reached the Institute was head for the hospital wing, dousing his stony hand liberally with the potion. By his estimation, it would take approximately two to three hours for it to soften, giving him sufficient time to conduct the mission’s debrief and file his reports.

Which brings him to the present moment - sitting in the meeting room, being taunted by his siblings. The debrief had ended a while ago, and fissures had appeared on his rocky hand a few minutes ago, an encouraging sign that his misery is about to end soon.

“You guys are the absolute worst,” Alec snarks as he drops his boyfriend a text to request for a portal, taking twice as long, given that he is encumbered by his stoney hand. 

He patently ignores Simon’s request that he not take their friendship for _granite_ as he leaves for home. 

~~

“How’s your hand doing now?” Magnus enquires later that night as he pads into the bedroom, running through his nightly routine.

Alec wiggles his fingers, with an exhausted smile on his face, as he settles back into his pillows. “Yeah, it’s alright now.” His hand had finally reverted back to its original state about an hour ago, and he could not be more relieved. 

Magnus slides into bed then, clad in his usual silk pyjama pants. He has forgone his shirt, what with the sweltering summer heat, causing his chest to be beaded with sweat. 

Alec eagerly tackles his boyfriend, pressing him down into the bed, tongue tracing the rivulet of moisture as his fingers slide against sweat slick skin. And he has never been more relieved to have regained the use of both of his hands, fisting them in Magnus’ tousled strands. Alec is slightly worn out after the day’s exertions, but he is never too tired to lavish attention on Magnus’ body. 

The warlock reclines against his pillows, enjoying his boyfriend’s ministrations. 

“Hey Alexander?” 

“Hmm?” Alec grunts, not looking up from where he is currently working on a love bite at Magnus’ neck. 

“If I were a rock, do you know which rock I would be?” Alec pulls back to see Magnus’ brown eyes glinting with mischief.

He squints down at his boyfriend, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What?” he growls when the warlock shoots him an unrepentant grin.

“I will be _Cummingtonite,”_ Magnus reveals before bursting into peals of laughter. 

Alec collapses beside Magnus with an exasperated groan. He’d suffered these terrible puns all evening from the Shadowhunters, and Simon. He thought he’d finally have a reprieve at home, but no, that was apparently too much to ask for.

Magnus’ joyful cackles fill the bedroom. When Alec glances over and sees his boyfriend half bent over in stitches, head thrown back in laughter, the laugh lines on his face deepening, Alec can’t help but snort in amusement.

“I saw that smirk! You liked that joke!” Magnus announces, evidently delighted that he had managed to elicit a smile from Alec. 

Because the Shadowhunter had been wearing a _stone_ -faced expression for much of the day, patently unamused by the numerous puns thrown at him. 

“It’s a terrible joke,” Alec informs him. 

“But you did like them!” Magnus retorts with a cheeky wink, sliding over to perch himself on Alec’s chest.

The Shadowhunter doesn’t deign to reply. His arms come up to wrap around Magnus, keeping him pinned firmly against his chest. 

“Would you like to make more awful puns, or would you like to be _Cummingtonite_?” he murmurs in Magnus’ ear, deliberately lowering his voice, as his hands tease at the band of Magnus’ pyjama pants, hooking it up and letting it snap back down, smirking at the other man’s gasp.

Magnus promptly ceases with his puns for the rest of the night.

~~

Alec is on the cusp of sleep, his boyfriend tucked closely to his side, when the other man speaks up. “Alexander?”

He hums in acknowledgement.

“I _lava_ you,” Magnus says with a teasing lilt, the smile evident in his tone.

Alec groans. But he does reply, “I _lava_ you too, you idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and have a nice day 💙


End file.
